turned 23.

and feeling a world of a difference.

After a birthday passes, everyone always asks the same repetitive question: "Hey! So how does it feel to be __?" I've been asked this question several times now and have provided my interrogators with the same repetitive lie: "Same old! Not much different from 22!"

Again, I've lied.

To be quite honest (not so much with others, rather, with myself), I feel really really really different. I feel old. I feel young. I feel worn. I feel unworn. I feel tired. I feel excited. I feel happy. I feel like something's missing. I feel like I'm going to ride on the wings of my dreams and fly into infinity and beyond (sidenote: I really need to watch Toy Story 3) but I also feel l ike I am going to spin head first into the wallowing darkness of my fears.

But mostly, I feel "geubhae." In English, I guess this is best translated as, "rushed." I feel a great urgency to do something monumental at 23 years of age yet, I am still doing the same mediocre things. I mean, I can't say that I'm living a life of mediocrity because working and living in, unbiasedly, the most amazing city in the world is far from mediocrity, but maybe I am just not living this un-mediocre lifestyle to the fullest?

A lot has changed since the post I wrote when I turned 22. Unlike my 22nd birthday, I didn't celebrate and rage every day of the week. Instead, I was stressed out and running about trying to sublet my new apartment out before my move-in date. Unlike my 22nd birthday, I didn't plan a grand soiree and put on my fancy blue dress. I just had dinner and drinks with friends at our usual bar and wore black jeans. Unlike my 22nd birthday, I didn't hold my expectations high for the year to come, instead, I worried and fretted over how and why I will make the decisions I will make over the next 365 days until I can worry and fret again at age 24.

At age 23, one of my best friends is no longer living with me and is moving across the country to Utah. At age 23, I have friendships that are stronger, deeper, and delightfully more complex. At age 23, I am in a loving relationship that is healthy and blessed by the ones who really matter and care. At age 23, I am moving out of my full-service, luxury building with a doorman in the financial district, to a true blue NYC duplex apartment, complete with exposed brick, in a walk-up building located in the heart of the east village. At age 23, I have more goals and dreams than I have ever, ever, had. At age 23, I am more determined than ever to finish my early 20's with memories and moments that will not fail to make me proud when I look back on them. I pray to my dear Lord that all these things will not falter throughout the coming year, that I will have the wisdom, poise, and strength to carry out everything I've ever wanted to the fullest un-mediocrity.

Here's to 23!

Cheers,

Cheryl