quick thought #30.

i am having major retainer withdrawal.

i've been very good about wearing my retainers but i forgot them at home today and i am freaking out.

dear teeth, please stay straight.

kamsa.

they cut it down.

an old man's cry
at changes made
by the hands of urbanization.

Some people take the same route to ‘n fro every day from home to work, then back home. It’s a routine that they don’t like to break. Me, I like to switch it up. After a few days of taking the F train to 2nd Avenue LES then walking down Houston, cutting through the gas station, then walking the rest of 2nd Street down to my apartment, I decided I was feeling adventurous and instead of walking down Houston, I just took 2nd Street all. the. way. down. Call me daredevil, if you will.

As I rounded Ave B to head down to Ave C (yes, I live in ABCity; don’t judge – we like to think of ourselves as Loisaidas) I noticed an elderly slightly pudgy gentleman holding his hands up and looking helpless a few yards away from me. At first glance, I thought he was a homeless person, intoxicated and looking to disturb my quiet street, but my second glance later deemed me a judgmental fool.

I walked until I was just a few steps away from him and realized he was staring at this:

I looked at what seemed to be a freshly cut stump and remembered a tree (that my beloved pom-a-poo used to pee ‘n poo at) had once been there. Personally, I thought the street looked much cleaner without that withering sorry excuse for a “tree” cluttering it; a new complex was built at that same spot, so I imagine the contractors or owners had the trees cut down. As I turned to the gentleman, I realized he had tears in his eyes and was shaking his head, clearly upset by the loss. “They cut it down. Where’d it go? They cut it down. It was always there but they cut it down…Why would they do that?” I wanted to give him an answer, but in that instant, I felt as little as that stump and as barren as that street corner.

He wasn’t drunk. He wasn’t a homeless man. He wasn’t causing a ruckus. He was just upset at the loss of what to him, was a neighborhood trademark. A few people who walked passed us glanced at the stump and they too, nodded their heads in somber agreement with the man’s cries. People were clearly surprised and somewhat upset that the tree was gone. At that moment, I realized this tree, in a city where greenery is scant, was much loved by many locals and it’s sudden disappearance was not sitting well with them.

I’m glad I took a different route home that day. Such an unexpected encounter made me hit myself over the head twice in a matter of minutes. Who was I to assume this man was drunk and homeless? Who was I to bid good riddance to a tree I had only known for months? This experience was such an oddly profound moment for me, I just had to document it and attempt to put into words the emotions I felt at that moment.

I pass by that stump now and it reminds me not to judge, not to cut-down (or out) so easily, not to always take the path well-trodden, and most importantly, that sometimes, more is more.

Cheers,

Cheryl

a plan.

not ours, but His.

⁹ However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived”— the things God has prepared for those who love him— ¹⁰ these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit."

-1 Corinthians 2:9-10

I read the above verses countless times throughout my Christian life and meditated on the same last week.  It's crazy how the Bible really speaks to you..... God tells you all the right things at the right times, seriously.

They say your early to mid-20s are a crucial time of change, transition, and opportunity. You must make the right choices, meet the right people, etc.  I myself, am turning 24 in a little less than 4 months and much change is happening around me. Family-related changes, friends-related changes, myself-related changes, yikes! Every time I stress out about the decisions I make or about what my future holds, I stop and allow a minute to remind myself that really, only God knows and prayer is the only way to unfold His plan.

He really does have magical, wonderful, exciting things planned for those who love Him. It’s a struggle having faith knowing that these things may not be according to my personal plan, but I’m trusting in Him and trying to be patient. I see Him working in my life and when I think back on the changes going on right now, I realize how almighty He truly is; everything fits and makes sense.

I was never very good at waiting; I usually just DO then deal with the consequences later. I feel so geub-hae but I guess all good things take time.

Must pray more.

Cheers,

Cheryl

mommy's skills.

but i made 'em my own ;)

From time-to-time I make dinner for my roommates and/or my boyfriend.  It is usually pasta.  I've made a variety of pastas for the girls and each and every time it was bomb.  As in, "the."  More recently, I've made a variety of jjigaes and soojaebi and other random korean dishes for the manfriend and I shock and amaze myself at how delicious everything is! 

It's such a good feeling when people 'ooh' and 'aah' over food you've made and eat it maht-eet-gae (dunno how to say this in english...).  Last night, in celebration of my manfriend's H-1B visa being approved, I made vodka sauce with chicken, onions, and peppers over roasted garlic fettucine aaaaaand a major flavor explosion ensued in my mouth and that was that.

I've definitely taken after my mom's cooking skills and now I know why she loves to feed people the way she does.

"One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well." -Virginia Woolf

Amen to that!

Cheers,

Cheryl

mirror, mirror, on the wall.

obsessed with my reflection.

I'm sure most girls are, but they don't readily admit it.  I've been noticing lately that I cannot pass by a reflective surface without glancing into it.  I think the image sans braces has something to do with it, but even before I got them chains off, I was always looking into mirrors every few minutes.  Especially when I knew I looked good.

I know people are thinking, "conceited beeatch" but admit it; girls can't help themselves when they know they look good that day.  And I know everyone has a "mirror face."  I've seen all my girlfriends, even my boyfriend, make their "mirror face."  Some girls pucker up, some girls widen their eyes, some girls suck in their cheeks (some boys do, too *ahem* DAVE) and some girls prefer their profiles.  It's essentially people putting their "best face forward."  Sometimes I wonder if people see me the way I see myself in the mirror.  Sometimes I wish they saw me the way I saw me, but I guess that's my ego speaking.  Sometimes I hope they see me bigger, better, more beautiful than I see me and I guess that's my insecurity speaking.

Even at the office, sitting in my cubicle, I'll pick up my compact and just glance into it.  Why?  I'm not really sure.  I'll just subconsciously grab my little pocket mirror, open it up, make a little face, rub my lips together, pat my hair and I'm done. 

This may sound completely stupid or completely obvious, but doesn't it feel good when you look into the mirror and like what you see?  It's almost like a little pick-me-up.  When you look good, you feel good and your day is that much better.  When you look like sh*t, you feel like sh*t and your day gets that much worse. 

Especially for us ladies; make-up & dress-up are so so SO important.

Just sayin'.

Cheers,

Cheryl

cheeeeeesin'.

like a foo.

Got them braces off!  I dindunnit!  Peektures to come later.

Gotta blog about something else for a quick second.

Check this out #1. - It's a video taken in Pyongyang, North Korea by a slick photographer, Steve Gong.  It truly gives you a different perspective on life over there in the unknown and he was really able to capture a lot of angles despite the strict regulations the NK government has on photography and videotaping.  My description is doing nothing for the video.  Just watch.

Check this out #2. - This is a video taken in Japan by a few reporters.  These days, everywhere you turn, you see and hear about the destruction and horror of all the disastrous things happening in Japan right now, but this video really hits home for me.  Not just because I have dogs and because I'm a dog-lover but if the animals are suffering and lost like this, one can only imagine the emotional distraught of the humans there.

Man.  And here I am giggling and laughing about getting my braces taken off.  Watching these videos really makes me reflect on my life and what I've been so blessed to have.  Let's really cherish and thank God for every. little. thing.

Cheers,

A Braces-Free Cheryl

sucka mcccccccc.

GETTING MY BRACES OFF IN TWO NIGHTS.

WHAT WHAT in the BUTT.

I'm actually pretty worried that it may not happen because my orthodontist mentioned that there is still a small gap between two of my teeth and if that gap doesn't close up, I will have to wear my braces for a little while longer.  GASP!  However, the gap has been extremely stubborn for the past few months (it's actually the only reason why I haven't gotten my braces off sooner) so I'm thinking I'll give in to its stubbornness and accept that the gap and I were just meant to be.  Fall into the gap. (sorry) 

Gaw, I just want to get them off already and not have to worry about biting into ggahkdoogi and having a brace come off, or biting into a sandwich and have remnants of the lettuce, ham, and bread stuck in each individual brace, or eating something colored and have my braces stained red and blue all day, or posing for a picture whilst cleverly disguising the fact that I have braces, or laughing with my mouth open and wondering if people are staring at my braces, orrr pretty much eat anything and have to rinse and/or toothpick my teeth to liberation from food chunks...

Anyone else excited to see my tiger-print and purple-glitter retainers?

Cheers,

Cheryl

don't be foolish.

"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise
and the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."

²⁶ Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. ²⁷ But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ²⁸ God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, ²⁹ so that no one may boast before him. ³⁰ It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. ³¹ Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

-1 Corinthians 1:26-31

The above verses actually remind me of that new show on ABC, "Secret Millionaire."  For those who've never heard of it, the show, which originated in the UK, I believe, is about millionaires who hide their true identity to go live with and amongst the poor in various less-than-fortunate towns.  In each scenario, the millionaire is genuinely touched by the volunteers and the locals in the respective areas and chooses an organization or an individual to whom they reveal their true identity and donate a minimum of a hundred thousand dollars.  Many of these millionaires (the "strong") are incredibly humbled by the impoverished (the "weak") and each episode truly exemplifies what God means in the above passage.

Nothing is by our power, our strength, our knowledge, or our will; let's take pride in knowing He lives in us and we through Him. 

This past weekend, I had originally planned nights full of fun and rage-tastic memories with my girlfriends but instead, I went to Jersey on Friday night to have dinner at home and, completely comatose from the feast, passed out early.  I woke up at 5:30am on Saturday, went to early morning service and prayed until tears flooded every hole in my face (that's kind of gross, eh?) then golfed with my parents and the manfriend.  That night, I had an early dinner and passed out at home despite the urges to rage.  Sunday, I went to church then went to Bible study and again came home, had an early dinner, watched Toy Story 3 and went to bed. 

How radically different from the weekend I had planned/imagined...

Let's not be ashamed to be broken before God and humble ourselves knowing He is truly omnipotent and omnipresent.  He draws us near to Him when we least expect it and calms our hearts when we most need it. 

Lord, may even the most boastful of us be humbled by Your grace.

Cheers,

Cheryl
 

PFW

oh, if only.

In light of PFW, I wanted to finish this post. I started it as a draft knowing that this photo really really struck a chord in me, but not knowing where, exactly, I wanted to take it.

This is a shot taken by Scott Schuman from Preen's SS 2011 line. He commented on the beauty of the dress and the model herself, but I wanted to point out something entirely different; her feet.

Her feet are way. too. big. for those shoes and 'tis a haute couture runway model's life.  Her toes are curling over the tips of the 5-6 inch stilletto-heeled shoes and the strap of the heels are so tightly wound 'round the backs of her ankles.  Do you see how the toes on her right foot are literally touching the runway as she walks?  The shoes, however beautiful they are, are clearly at least two sizes too small for this model.  Yet, look at her face, her poise, her elegance and, as the great Sartorialist himself pointed out, the way the dress moves, unnerved by the obvious pain shooting through her entire body from the much-too-tight shoes.  Some may say that's the price models pay, but no, I think this is the price many of us pay on a daily basis.

We hide our insecurities, our sorrows, our angst to display a facade of poised confidence. Sometimes it works like a charm, sometimes it doesn't.  I'm sure no one noticed the model's poor poor feet and only saw how beautifully she sashayed down that runway.  The image as a whole is worth hiding a few flaws bit of pain for, I'd say. 

We're all models.

Cheers,

Cheryl

EDIT: "flaws" was a horrible word choice.  I don't think insecurity, pain, anxiety, sadness, or anything of the sort is a flaw in any way. 

40days.

늘 감사하자, 그러면 더 감사할 일이 생긴다.

Lent started yesterday and I always gave up something every year but after much thought, I've decided that this year, I'm going to commit to DOING something instead of giving something up.

I will fast lunch and read at least a passage of the Bible every day. 

Starting with 1 Corinthians.

The first passage I read was aptly titled, "Thanksgiving."

 ⁴ I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. ⁵ For in him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge— ⁶ God thus confirming our testimony about Christ among you. ⁷ Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. ⁸ He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹ God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

-1 Corinthians 1:1-9

Hopefully I can encourage some of my friends to read the Bible by means of my blog.

Cheers and Thanks,

Cheryl

anxious.

"nothing diminishes anxiety
faster than action."

My body is in the offices of a law firm in midtown Manhattan assisting a team of hardass litigators, but my mind is at home on my laptop doing more research, reaching out to more people, and planning more details for a business that is still somewhat only a wild dream but is starting to really have tangible potential.

Waiting for news on a shipment I'm expecting from Korea... hopefully this will be the real start of something extraordinary.

Pray for me if you love me.

Cheers,

Cheryl

PS: Whenever I'm feeling discouraged by the situation or by people around me, I pay a visit to one of my best friends' blogs.  Terrence is making them moves and it's inspiring.  Hopefully I can visit him in China soon...

PPS: I just realized two of my absolute best male friends have both started their own businesses.  One was one of my best friends in America since the 5th grade and another was my closest male friend in Korea.  I am just now realizing the similarities between the two of them.  How interesting...

quick thought #29.

you never know how much keeping in touch with people will pay off but...

today, i'm realizing it pays off a lot.

smiles.

so, so right.

Everything about this is just so, so, SO right. 

The lengths, the textures, the colors, the socks, the shoes, the bag; how did she do it?

jam-free guarantee.

so what happens when it jams?

I clicked "new post" to begin writing a blog entry, not because I had another thought to jot down, but only because my blog's been abandoned for about a week now and simply put, I felt bad.  Then, a co-worker started freaking out a few cubicles down from me, about how her "jam-free guarantee" stapler was jammed.  At first I wanted to tell her to shut up and call Staples, until the pretty hilarious irony of the situation hit me.

What makes anything guaranteed?  Why bother with guarantees?  If it's "guaranteed or your money back," you're basically buying a product with an insurance policy.  Anything that needs insurance is something you should reconsider.  Red flag, for sure.  I mean, of course everyone has 100% faith in anything they're trying to sell for a quick buck or two, leading them to add the easy "guaranteed or your money back!" line at the end of their lengthy infomercial.  My question is, do they employ this not-too-clever marketing ploy knowing their product sucks and will ultimately fail to up-keep the guarantee or do they do this because they geuinely believe in the everlasting powers of what they're trying to sell? 

I promise I'll be by your side forever.  I guarantee you'll love this restaurant.  I swear I've never said anything bad about you behind your back.  I just want you to believe what I am saying.  Maybe not forever, but in this very moment, where I am speaking using only my mouth and not my head because I just really need you to believe me, I am going to employ words of all sorts of extremity (no, not an arm or a leg) just to have you believe me for a second.

We are so eager to have people believe our every word and so quick to assume they'll listen and eventually nod in fervent agreement, that we don't stop to think about the chances of actually having to give them their money back when the situation goes awry and the stapler jams (was that a run-on sentence?).  What if they don't want their money back?  What if they just wanted you to keep your promise of "jam-free guarantee"?  They took a chance when they believed you.  Rarely do they want that chance given back; they just want you to keep your promise.  You know, money is an easy one.  Just fork that cash on over and the transaction is done with only the hope of satisfaction left with both parties.  But is it possible to give back trust or respect or love or another chance?

A few recent situations I got myself into proved to me that a few good relationships, no matter deep or shallow or in-between, have this powerful possibility.  The outcome is left to be seen.

This post was a pretty awful attempt at illustrating what, in my mind, is a super intricate knot of thoughts.  Damn.  One thing's for sure, I don't want people putting up mental red flags when I speak to them about something I'm trying to be completely truthful about...

Cheers,

Cheryl

smile on my face.

it's been a long two days
lacking in smile and laughter.

Sounds so dramatic, doesn't it? But alas, 'tis true. Yesterday and today were absolutely the busiest days ever at work for me. I am just taking a breather now to blog about something quickly. I think my blog has been void of some mom & pop lovin' recently so let me take a second to fill that void.

I see my parents every weekend but last weekend I wasn't feeling well enough to make the bus trip to church so I stayed home. I saw my dad today to pick-up my tax return forms and my fatigue, stress, and overall lack of energy dissipated upon hearing my dad's voice go, "Yo, Jinjin."

HAHAHAHA WHY IS HE SO CUTE. He was dressed in a black undershirt, red sweater, black fleece jacket and daddy also got a spiffy new haircut. He looked like he just stepped out of our living room, not his office! Anyway, it was a burst of energy in an otherwise long week/day. Seeing him smile, hearing him laugh, listening to him nag me about how I was dressed, aaahhh it was such familiar comfort, and that's all I needed to make the trek back to my office and finish the day's work.

Another moment of absolute heppiness (rather, hilarity) happened a few minutes ago when my mom responded via blackberry to an email I sent her. I responded back with "whoaaa mama you're using your blackberry to email nowww?!" and her reply back read: "Of course cus I da COOL mommy kkk"

HAHAHAHAHAHA my parents kill me. I live for these folks, seriously.

Friends, most (if not all) of us live in the busy hustle bustle of New York City, away from the two people who (literally) made us. They gave us life; let's take a second out of every day to make them feel alive.

Cheers,

Cheryl

word.

step-by-step. let's get it done!